Revenge of the Pizza Cats
by Phoenix710
Summary: The Samurai Pizza Cats are fed up with the junk that now infests the television airwaves, and they're not gonna take it anymore. They send word out to Lucille, and to Princess Vi, and they all head out to pay a visit to Jeff Blundt at the FCC. Rated K.
1. Enough is Enough!

****

**Revenge of the Pizza Cats**

**Authored by: Phoenix710**

**Summary: ****The Pizza Cats and their friends are fed up with the horrible garbage that infests the airwaves, so they decide to go do something about it. Speedy, Guido, Polly, Lucille, Francine, Princess Vi, and Good Bird, go and pay Jeff Blundt and his FCC buddies a "visit", and give them their opinion of what he's done to TV with his "Three hours of Educational TV" rule.**

**Disclaimer: ****I do not own Samurai Pizza Cats. All characters and locations are properties of Saban.**

**Chapter One: Enough is Enough!**

Speedy and Polly were sitting in the living room of their Pizza Parlor in Little Tokyo, trying to find something worth watching, but were having no luck whatsoever. Infuriated, Polly screamed, **"AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!! I'M SO FED UP WITH THIS TRASH!!! THREE HUNDRED CHANNELS, AND I CAN'T FIND ANYTHING WORTH WATCHING!!! IF I FIND OUT WHO CAUSED SUCH GARBAGE TO BE CRAMMED ONTO THE AIRWAVES, I'M GONNA USE HIS SPINE AS A SCRATCHING POST!!!"**

Speedy gulped, then said to himself, _'I'm glad we're married...Polly's scary when she's angry...'_ Guido, Francine, Good Bird, and Carla walked in. Carla, the red-haired crow that is Good Bird's wife, operates the Pizza restaurant called 'The Pizza Bird Experience', with him, but when needed, they both helped out at the Pizza Cats' restaurant. Today, they were all taking a day off, since Princess Vi had declared it a national holiday. Guido sat down, and said, "Hey, Speedy…did you and Polly find anything good to watch?" Shaking his head, Speedy replied, "No, just lousy sitcoms, stupid infomercials, and cartoons that are drawn so poorly, I swear that The Big Cheese could draw better blindfolded." Francine slammed her fist into the carpeted floor, and said, **"UGH!!! I AM SO SICK OF THIS!!!** **THAT IDIOT JEFF BLUNDT NEEDS TO BE STRUNG OFF A FLAGPOLE BY HIS BOXERS!!!" **Good Bird asked, "How'd you find out he was the one responsible, Fran?" Francine replied, "Easy. I checked the internet." Polly smiled menacingly, then said, "Well then...how about we go pay him a visit and tell him just how much we DON'T appreciate his new '3 Hours of Educational TV' Rule?" Speedy replied, "Sounds great!" Guido added, "Count me in. Let me just go and get Lucille." Francine said, "I'll come too. In fact, I'll phone Princess Vi and see if she wants to come. I bet she'd just LOVE to give that idiot an earful." Good Bird said, "I'll tag along with you, in case he decides to try and call his goon squad." Carla took hold of Good Bird's right shoulder, and said, "Be careful, Birdie."  
Good Bird hugged her, then said, "Don't worry, Carla. If I can handle The Big Cheese, a comet, or a bunch of Ninja Crows, I can handle a stupid, whiny TV executive."  
Guido came back in about twenty minutes, with Lucille in tow. Princess Vi came in as well, with three of her Royal Bodyguards. Vi said, "I've got my private jet outside, since it'll save you the trouble of flying there yourselves." Amazed, and grateful at the same time, Polly responded, "Thank you, Princess!" Vi answered with, "Well, you Pizza Cats did save Little Tokyo, and you're going to go and make sure that TV becomes enjoyable again, so it's the least I can do."  
Guido, seeming to forget that the hot-tempered Francine was in the room, said, "For once, we can fly somewhere...and not have Francine smash us into a building..."  
Enraged, Francine shouted, **"ARE YOU SAYING I'VE GOT BAD AIM?!!!" **Speedy knew what was coming next, and he shouted a warning. He said, "Uh-oh...**HIT THE DIRT!!!"** Francine swung out with all her might, and bashed Guido in the head with a frying pan. Guido, laying nearly unconscious, moaned out rather painfully, "Ow...me and my big mouth..."  
Once Guido recovered, The Pizza Cats leaped into their ovens, donned their armor, then, along with Francine, Lucille, Vi, and her guards, they boarded Vi's private jet, and flew off to hunt down Jeff Blundt.


	2. Time To Pay The Piper!

**Revenge Of The Pizza Cats**

**Story By: Phoenix710**

**Summary:**** In this chapter, the Pizza Cats and their friends arrive at the FCC, and take out a couple of really stupid guards, before Speedy paves the way for them to visit Jeff Blundt. See what hilarity ensues here as Polly unleashes her hellish temper, and Lucille gets upset when one of the guards insults her, and she lets fly with her missiles. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own Samurai Pizza Cats, or any of the characters or locations associated with it. Samurai Pizza Cats is a registered trademark of Saban.**

**Chapter Two: Time To Pay The Piper!**

The Pizza Cats, Francine, Lucille, Good Bird, and Princess Vi walked into the lobby of the FCC office building, determined to restore good, quality programming to the airwaves. The guard in the lobby said to Polly, "Do you have an appointment?" Polly shoved him aside, since she was more than strong enough to tear the metal elevator doors open, and said, "We're here to see Jeff Blundt." The guard moved to escort Polly and the others outside. He said, "I'm sorry, but I can't let you in to see him without an appointment. I'm going to have to ask you to leave."  
Speedy's hand went for the hilt of one of his katanas, and he said, "Try and make us, why don't ya!" Smirking and drawing his gun, the guard said, "Don't tempt me, kid. And take off the costume, Halloween's over." Polly shoved the man again, and said, "Number One: don't you dare aim that gun at my husband, or I'll knock your teeth so far down your throat, you'll need to use fishing line to floss them. Number Two: These aren't costumes, they're the real deal." The guard called for backup, then said, "Haha...yeah right...another thing...lady, you ever hear of mouthwash?" The second guard came out of the elevator, and looked at Lucille. He said, "You know, I hope you aren't as stupid as that get-up you have on, otherwise, I'd be surprised that you'd be smart enough to breathe." Lucille, who was extremely sensitive, and prone to serious emotional displays, began sobbing. The Cats knew where this was going, and Speedy said,"Uh...oh...he's had it!" Guido shouted, **"RUN!!!!!!!! LUCILLE'S GONNA BLOW!!!"**  
The rest of the gang takes cover behind bits of furniture. Meanwhile, Polly wheeled around at the guard that had insulted her, and shouted, **"ARE YOU SAYING I'VE GOT BAD BREATH?!!! YOU'RE DEAD!!!"** She unsheathed her razor-sharp, armor shredding claws, and launched herself at the first guard, who began to make an attempt at running away, but it was useless.  
Lucille, meanwhile, was now in full blown hysterics. She cried out, "Y-You meanie!!!" She began crying loudly, and her missiles launched out, blowing chunks out of the walls, the ceiling, the floor, and just about everything else. The first guard, desperate to keep Polly from tearing him apart, stammered, "N-no...NO...AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH...N-Nice Kitty..." The second guard, meanwhile, screamed, "HELP!!!!!!!!!", before a generous helping of Lucille's missiles slammed into the floor near him, sending him flying into the water cooler.  
Speedy snickered at the guard that his wife was tearing to bits, and said, "Nice kitty...yeah right...only I get to call her nice kitty."  
Polly, holding the now frantic, badly clawed-up guard up by his ankles, said, "Now, are you gonna let us in there, or am I gonna rip off your hair and make a paintbrush out of it?" The man was sweating like a pig in a sauna, and he stammered, "O-okay...you win!"  
Polly smiled sweetly, and said, "Thank you." She then pulled out her kodachi and bashed the man in the head, knocking him out.  
Princess Vi shouted, **"GUARDS!! TAKE THESE IDIOTS TO PRISONERS' ISLAND!!!"**  
Vi's soldiers came forward, saluted, and said, "Yes, Your Highness." With that, they lifted the two unconscious men up, put them into the Prisoner Transport Jet, and flew off. Guido, meanwhile, began massaging Lucille's shoulders, until she calmed down. She hugged him, and he hugged her back, before pulling away, and pulling out his umbrella. He removed the katana he had hidden in its handle, while Polly pulled out her flute, and Good Bird drew his own blade. Princess Vi readied her naginata, and Francine readied a frying pan.  
Speedy pulled out both of his swords, and shouted, **"CAT'S EYE SLASH!!! HIYA!!!"**  
The doors of Jeff Blundt's office blew apart, along with most of the wall, and one of his other guards moved forward, but Good Bird flew upward, then elbow dropped him in the head, knocking him out. He then pulled some duct tape out of a cabinet, and tied the man up. He and Francine took up a position by the door, Lucille and Vi covered the right side of the office, while Speedy, Guido, and Polly took the left side. Jeff Blundt looked around him, then shouted, **"WHAT'S THE** **MEANING OF THIS!!!"** Polly said, "We're here to bring back good, quality entertainment. People are sick of the trash that you've forced on them with your 'Three Hours of Educational TV' mandate, and the stuff that's on today is FAR worse than what was on back before you fouled it all up. Now, I want you to start making calls, and put the good programs back on, or things are going to get ugly!" Mr. Blundt picked up his phone, and shouted, **"SECURITY!!! I NEED HELP IN MY OFFICE, NOW!!!"**

**Next time: The final chapter: Saving The Airwaves. Our heroic team beats Mr. Blundt's goons, and then, after being soundly thrashed by Speedy, Guido, Polly, Good Bird, Lucille, Vi, and Francine, Mr. Blundt, too frightened to refuse, orders the trash programs removed, and the good ones brought back, and the Pizza Cats and their friends, secure in their victory, head back to Little Tokyo, and Vi orders Mr. Blundt sent to Prisoners' Island.**


	3. Saving The Airwaves

****

****

**Revenge Of The Pizza Cats**

**Story By: Phoenix710**

**Summary:**** In this, the final chapter, the Pizza Cats and their friends finally confront Jeff Blundt about what he's done to television with his 'Three Hours of Educational Programming' mandate, and demand that he bring back enjoyable programs. However, he tries to get cute, and summons his remaining guards. What carnage will unfold here as our heroes unleash their wrath on the guards, and what will happen to Jeff Blundt? Read and find out.**

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own Samurai Pizza Cats, or any of the characters or locations mentioned within. Samurai Pizza Cats, and all associated characters and locations are trademarks of Saban.**

**Chapter Three: Saving The Airwaves**

Speedy stood with his twin katanas poised for battle, and said, "Jeff Blundt, unless you want to incur my wife's wrath, I suggest you call of those guards, because when we're done with them, you're next!" Mr. Blundt said, "Forget it, kitty. Get them!" The guards charged in, and the Pizza Cats, along with Vi, Lucille, Francine, and Good Bird, began kicking their butts all over the office. Francine swung a mighty blow with her frying pan, knocking five of them out, then she cracked a vicious right hook into another one's skull, and the man went down like a sack of bricks. One of them insulted Lucille's hairdo, and she immediately went into hysterics. She cried, "H-how could you? Y-you're such a loser!!!" With that, she burst into tears, and her missiles launched. The resulting explosions blew at least twenty guards out the door. Princess Vi started chasing three of them with her Naginata, screaming at them all the while. She said, **"YOU JUST WAIT UNTIL I GET MY HANDS ON YOU!!! I'LL SEND YOU TO PRISONERS' ISLAND SO FAST, YOUR HEADS WILL SPIN!!!"** Good Bird dropped a pair of them with solid hits from his sword handle to the head, then used his sword to hack the guns of two more in half, before he punched them out. He then pulled out some electrical wire, and trussed them up. Speedy launched his shurikens at some guards, Guido launched his Kanto throwing darts, and Polly fired her heart bombs at three others, lighting their posteriors on fire. They ran out screaming. Finally, Speedy, Guido, Polly, and Good Bird confronted Mr. Blundt. Speedy said, "Last chance, dimwit. Either you do as we asked, or else you're gonna find out what happens when you make a Pizza Cat mad!" Being the idiot he was, Mr. Blundt said, "Is that gonna be before or after your hysterical wife their gets treatment for her paint-peeling breath, and you get that other ditzy girl with the missiles to take a chill pill, along with that psycho bunny girl?" Polly shot Mr. Blundt a death glare, and Speedy said, "That's it, buddy! NOBODY insults Polly and gets away with it!" Guido said, "Yeah, and that goes double for insulting Lucille!" Polly unsheathed her claws, and said, "I hope your insurance is paid up, but I don't think it covers stupidity! **PREPARE TO DIE!!!"** Good Bird sliced Mr. Blundt's desk in half, and said, "Oops…sorry…my sword slipped…hehe!" The Cats and Good Bird then proceeded to pummel Mr. Blundt, and when they were done, Polly hung him upside down by his boxer shorts off of a coat hook on his wall. She said, "**LAST** chance, you bozo. Start making the phone calls, or I'm **REALLY** going to get mad!" Still being dumb, Mr Blundt said, "Forget it!" Finally, Speedy said, "I guess we have to show him how serious we are. Ready, guys?" Guido said, "Ready and waiting, Speedy!" Polly chimed in with, "Let's do it!" Good Bird said, "Just give the word!" With that, Speedy raised his swords, and yelled out**, "CAT'S EYE SLASH!!! HIYA!!!"** Blue fire began running along Guido's katana blade, and he yelled, **"AZURE DRAGON FIRE!!!"** Polly made the shape of a heart in the air with her flute and kodachi, and yelled out, **"HEARTBREAKER!!!"** Finally, Good Bird aimed his sword at the collection of disks with Mr. Blundt's ideas for new idiotic shows. He yelled out, **"THUNDERBIRD!!!"** The combined blasts blew Mr. Blundt's computer apart, and he blanched. Polly said, "Now, make the call, or you're next!!!" He blanched, and said, "O-okay…y-you win! Just d-don't hurt me!" He picked up his phone, and said, "Hello…yes, this is Jeff Blundt. I've changed my mind. Due to overwhelming fan demands, I've decided that I'm going to cancel my previous mandate. Put the other shows back on." He hung up the phone, and said, "There, happy now?" Polly said, "Yes…very." She then knocked Mr. Blundt out, and Princess Vi said, **"GUARDS!!! TAKE HIM AWAY!!!"**

The next day, at the Imperial Palace in Little Tokyo, Princess Vi said, "Jeff Blundt, I hereby sentence you to Prisoners' Island for refusing to obey my royal order." Mr. Blundt said, "You can't do this to me! I know people, and…" Vi screamed, **"SHUT UP!!! GUARDS, TAKE HIM TO PRISONERS' ISLAND!!!"** The guards dragged him to the raft, and he was gone. Vi then went into her parlor, and flipped on her TV. She turned on _The Bugs Bunny Show_, and said, "Ahhhhh…this is the life!" She grabbed some soda and popcorn, and settled into her big, comfy recliner. Back at the Pizza Cats' restaurant, meanwhile, Speedy and Polly had just finished watching one of their favorite programs, and were now comfortable snuggled up in their bed. Speedy said, "I love you, Polly." She put her arms around him, and said, "I love you too, Speedy." She kissed him, then the two felines cuddled up very closely, and after an hour, they went into their shower, cleaned up, then changed their sheets, and finally, curled up and went to bed. Guido was similarly engaged with Lucille, and Francine was sleeping peacefully in her bed.

Meanwhile, on Prisoners' Island, Jeff Blundt was grumbling about his fate. He was interrupted, however, by the annoying laughter of one of his fellow exiles, The Big Cheese. Unable to take it anymore, Mr. Blundt got up, ripped Cheese's mini-satellite dish off the little TV, and threw it into the ocean. Cheese started raging. He said, **"HEY, NO FAIR!!! I WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF MY FAVORITE SHOW!!! HOW DARE YOU INTERRUPT MY VIEWING OF THE FLINSTONES!!! AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!" **Jerry Atrick said, "Uh…oh…not again…" Cheese blew up seconds later, and he and Jerry Atrick wound up flying into a tree. Mr. Blundt wound up with his head buried in the sand. The Pizza Cats had saved good quality television programming for everyone, and all was as it should be.

**The End.**


End file.
